Working Through Conflict

As I consider any negative or destructive conflict I have faced in my life recently, there are several strategies I use to help work through the issue in a productive and civilized way. 

1) I remind myself to assume positive intent.  Most people are not entering conflict to be difficult, they are entering the conflict because they believe they have the right solution or perspective.

2) When I am communicating my side of an issue, I always begin by saying from my perspective.  This helps remind me that there are at least two sides to every conflict and each party has a perspective worthy of consideration.

3) I try (and this is often difficult for me) not to read into what the other party is saying.  I take what they are saying at face value.

4) I always attempt to mean what I say and say what I mean.

5) I attempt to focus on the issue and facts.  I do not make it personal.   

6) Most importantly I try to identify a solution that will be acceptable for both parties through compromise or consensus.

I asked several people who are both personal contacts as well as professionals how they enter into conflict or conflict management.

My partner, indicated they have learned to take a breath and refocus before they begin to enter a situation that is going to address conflict.

My brother, who is a director in a large corporation, said that he has learned that most destructive conflict in his department occurs because of miscommunication.  He has each person share their perspective uninterrupted and completely to find common ground and misinterpretation.

From a friend who is a master facilitator, Find neutral ground to meet. Set ground rules.  First goal is to identify the issue and allow each party to state concern.  Next, see if there is a common goal.  If parties agree to common goal then next step is to see where compromise can be made.

Finally, focus on the common ground as you are working through the differences.

In my professional life, I have had many opportunities to mediate or facilitate conflict.   Early in my career I found conflict resolution scary and I avoided it at all cost.  I believe  through practice and professional development I have become progressively better at it. What I have learned to be true and was reiterated this week.  

Responding to conflicts productively requires courage, preparation, knowledge, skills, creativity and coordination (The Third Side, 2013).

The Third Side. (2013). Retrieved from: file:///Users/betsycarlin/Desktop/Walden/Communication/course%20reading/week%205/The%20Third%20Side%20-%20Conflict%20Resolution.webarchive

Public Speaking

This week we were asked to have complete 3 communication assessment tools and then ask two other people to do the same thing.  I asked my wife and the director of the school where I teach.  What surprised me most was how close all the results were.  There was very little difference in any of the categories.

One category that was slightly higher for the two outside raters was my public speaking.  I tend to be very hard on myself as a public speaker.  This was a very good week to hear that two people who I respect believe my public speaking skills are stronger then I do because I was giving my candidates speech at the NAEYC conference.  I took the information they gave me to heart and used it to build my confidence as I went into this important public speaking situation.

This could not have been a better week for me to be reading and thinking about how I perceive myself as a communicator and my speech went well and is contributing to my feeling more adequate as a public speaker.

The Big Conceal!

                                                                                 

The question I am asked this week is do I communicate differently with people from different groups and cultures?

I am a European American, upper middle class, middle age, not terribly religious, college educated woman who is legally married to another woman.  As I have learned some of these social identities have institutional advantage and others actually have institutional disadvantage.    My hope is that when I am communicating with people from groups different from mine I am always communicating respectfully and clearly no matter with whom I am communicating.  I am sure this is not always true but I certainly try.

My sexual orientation gives me a perceived disadvantage in our society.  It comes with a social stigma.  Knowing that someone may judge me negatively or even want to hurt me or my family because of my sexual orientation, I often choose to conceal it.  This is especially true in a professional environment.  Second only to my family, my career and the work I do for the field of early childhood is very important to me.  I have never wanted someone to judge that work negatively because of my sexual orientation.   When I meet people in a professional setting I am guarded with what I share about my family, because "those who have negative attitudes about gays and lesbians are less likely to have interpersonal communication with gays and lesbians"(Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011, p. 89).  I can not risk having someone choose not to collaborate with me in my pursuit of accessible and affordable early care and learning experiences for all children, because of my sexual orientation.   

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication:

Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

 

Turn Up the Volume!

This week our blog assignment charged us with the task of watch a show on television that we have never seen before.  First with the volume muted and then with the volume on.  As we watched the show without sound we were to pay attention to and make sense of the communication happening on the screen.  This may seem impossible to many people because isn't communication about speaking or reading words?

Actually communication is about sharing and receiving information.  Communication encompasses verbal communication or "the way we communicate with language"(O'Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p. 98), nonverbal communication  or "the process of intentionally or unintentionally signaling meaning through behavior other than words"(O'Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p. 128) as well as listening "the process of recognizing, understanding, accurately interpreting and responding effectively to the messages you hear" (O'Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p.158).  

So our assignment was to listen to the nonverbal messages we received without the volume on and then add verbal communication by turning up the volume to see how well we were listening the first time.

I chose to watch the Television show Bones.

When I was watching the beginning of the show it was apparent there was an investigation.  The first scene I saw was of a man and a woman talking in what appeared to be a professional language in some sort of research facility. Another man who appeared to be unrelated stood by wearing a protective suit.  Suddenly the woman hit the man in the protective suit in the body with a baseball bat.  It was interesting to see this without volume because I could not hear the response of the victim of the hitting.  I was uncertain of the relationship between the victim and the other two people.  I was not sure how to interpret the actions I had seen. It created a feeling of discomfort for me.  When I turned on the volume I learned the victim was actually a member of the investigation team and the incident was part of the investigation.

The next scene was actually the most significant for me in terms of using nonverbal cues to identify what was going on.  The same woman from the previous scene was with another man.  They both appeared to be in causal clothing at a theater.  They were using nonverbal communication that to me indicated a comfortable relationship.  As I watched them walk and talk I began to believe they were in a close relationship and were out together.  When I turned on the volume I came to find out they were colleagues who were meeting for the first time and they were investigating a death in a theater.  They were however flirting with each other so I got something correct.

I found that when I was watching the nonverbal cues without the volume I gathered some good information but it was not enough to be completely accurate.  Like a good investigator on television, I must regard "nonverbal communication as cues to be checked out rather than facts" (O'Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p.130).   

 Reference

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York:

Bedford/St. Martin's.