The Big Conceal!

                                                                                 

The question I am asked this week is do I communicate differently with people from different groups and cultures?

I am a European American, upper middle class, middle age, not terribly religious, college educated woman who is legally married to another woman.  As I have learned some of these social identities have institutional advantage and others actually have institutional disadvantage.    My hope is that when I am communicating with people from groups different from mine I am always communicating respectfully and clearly no matter with whom I am communicating.  I am sure this is not always true but I certainly try.

My sexual orientation gives me a perceived disadvantage in our society.  It comes with a social stigma.  Knowing that someone may judge me negatively or even want to hurt me or my family because of my sexual orientation, I often choose to conceal it.  This is especially true in a professional environment.  Second only to my family, my career and the work I do for the field of early childhood is very important to me.  I have never wanted someone to judge that work negatively because of my sexual orientation.   When I meet people in a professional setting I am guarded with what I share about my family, because "those who have negative attitudes about gays and lesbians are less likely to have interpersonal communication with gays and lesbians"(Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011, p. 89).  I can not risk having someone choose not to collaborate with me in my pursuit of accessible and affordable early care and learning experiences for all children, because of my sexual orientation.   

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication:

Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

 

Turn Up the Volume!

This week our blog assignment charged us with the task of watch a show on television that we have never seen before.  First with the volume muted and then with the volume on.  As we watched the show without sound we were to pay attention to and make sense of the communication happening on the screen.  This may seem impossible to many people because isn't communication about speaking or reading words?

Actually communication is about sharing and receiving information.  Communication encompasses verbal communication or "the way we communicate with language"(O'Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p. 98), nonverbal communication  or "the process of intentionally or unintentionally signaling meaning through behavior other than words"(O'Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p. 128) as well as listening "the process of recognizing, understanding, accurately interpreting and responding effectively to the messages you hear" (O'Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p.158).  

So our assignment was to listen to the nonverbal messages we received without the volume on and then add verbal communication by turning up the volume to see how well we were listening the first time.

I chose to watch the Television show Bones.

When I was watching the beginning of the show it was apparent there was an investigation.  The first scene I saw was of a man and a woman talking in what appeared to be a professional language in some sort of research facility. Another man who appeared to be unrelated stood by wearing a protective suit.  Suddenly the woman hit the man in the protective suit in the body with a baseball bat.  It was interesting to see this without volume because I could not hear the response of the victim of the hitting.  I was uncertain of the relationship between the victim and the other two people.  I was not sure how to interpret the actions I had seen. It created a feeling of discomfort for me.  When I turned on the volume I learned the victim was actually a member of the investigation team and the incident was part of the investigation.

The next scene was actually the most significant for me in terms of using nonverbal cues to identify what was going on.  The same woman from the previous scene was with another man.  They both appeared to be in causal clothing at a theater.  They were using nonverbal communication that to me indicated a comfortable relationship.  As I watched them walk and talk I began to believe they were in a close relationship and were out together.  When I turned on the volume I came to find out they were colleagues who were meeting for the first time and they were investigating a death in a theater.  They were however flirting with each other so I got something correct.

I found that when I was watching the nonverbal cues without the volume I gathered some good information but it was not enough to be completely accurate.  Like a good investigator on television, I must regard "nonverbal communication as cues to be checked out rather than facts" (O'Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p.130).   

 Reference

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York:

Bedford/St. Martin's.

Competent Communication: A Well Run Meeting

When I think about all the people I know who are competent communicators in at least one context, I immediately think about a colleague who runs an efficient meeting.

They start on time and end on time

They make everyone feel welcome

They have a clear written agenda that includes set goals and outcomes

They allow for short off topic diversions, but easily bring the meeting back on topic

They listen more then they talk

They ask probing questions

They pause for feedback

They encourage participation from everyone

They watch for physical cues to gain feedback on how the meeting is going and the needs of the group

They are professional, but they are not without humor 

I believe when someone leads a well run meeting they are showing the upmost respect for the other participants in the meeting.  They are appreciative of the time and effort each person is giving to the cause.  And when everyone leaves they know something has been accomplished.

When I am the person running the meeting, I always attempt to reach the same level of efficiency mixed with a human touch as the person I am thinking about because I want the other participants to feel respected and their time valued.